


Timorous

by softsocks (orphan_account)



Series: Words Rule Our Hearts [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Absolute sweethearts, Blindness, Chris is an awesome translator, Disabilities, M/M, Muteness, PJ is blind, Phil is mute, Pre-Love - Freeform, Pre-Relationship, highschool!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-10 23:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4412297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/softsocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Showing or suffering from nervousness or a lack of confidence'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Timorous

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Although I wear glasses, I am not legally blind. Nor am I mute, nor do I have ADHD. I have tried to write this as accurate and unoffensive as possible. However, if I have made a mistake or offended you please let me know so I can fix it.
> 
> EDIT: I have expanded this into a multi-fic called 'There's Nothing Wrong With Us' if you want to see more of this universe or if you felt like this just wasn't enough. You don't have to, of course, but it's there if you want.

There are days where Phil wants to scream, to yell with rage, to cry, to sob. There are also times where he wants to laugh and squeal and shout with joy. But unfortunately, that's simply not a possibility.

Because Phil, is mute.

It's the way he's always been, his first word never came, so he doesn't know any differently. The doctors assured his parents that it's not a problem, he's not unhealthy or in danger, he just won't ever speak. Phil thinks it's something to do with undeveloped vocal chords or something, but he's not completely certain, as the medical mumble jumbo the doctors' spoke went in one ear and straight out the other.

When he was really young, before the days of popularity and teasing and who-likes-who being important, it didn't matter that he didn't speak. All of the other kids just assumed that he was just really shy and quiet, but it didn't stop them from playing with him.

High school was an inevitable obstacle, and one Phil was less than eager to even attempt to overcome. He wasn't a fool. Primary school had been seven years of kids who thought his 'muteness' was just one of his weird propensities. They'd accepted it as normal and nothing more had ever been said.

But high school meant new kids, strangers, who didn't know, didn't understand, and likely didn't want to.

The first three months were torture. His classmates teased him about his muteness, and although they weren't always physically abusive, the mental cruelty was damaging enough.

He'd never hated himself for being mute before, but he was quickly beginning to.

But then, an angel, or some other celestial entity smiled down on him, because one day he ran – literally – into a boy with straight brown hair and hipster-y glasses.

The boy's name was Chris, and he had been on his way to the office for his daily medication – mild ADHD.

Phil had waved his hands in an ill attempt to apologise without the words he was unable to conjure. Chris had been confused at first, but when Phil explained his…situation in excruciatingly neat handwriting on a torn piece of notepad paper – he always kept some folded in his pocket just in case – he was all prize-winning smiles and open hands.

Their friendship blossomed, and the rest is history.

* * *

"You're being ridiculous."

Phil grins as he observes his best friends' amusing couples' banter.

"I am not!" Chris protests.

Phil's pretty certain that PJ's staring at Chris. He's not sure _how_ , considering it's pretty much impossible, but he thinks PJ's found a way.

"I honestly believe that having a seeing-eye dog is a little too extravagant at the moment, not to mention ludicrous. I'm _barely_ seventeen, Chris. Besides, you're _way_ too clumsy for _me_ to have a bouncing animal around."

PJ grins, and Phil thinks the connection between the two is stranger than he had previously thought. Chris' low scoff is scarcely an indication of his indignation.

"Phil. Surely you're on my side?" Chris pleads.

Phil shakes his head, and knocks once on the table for PJ's benefit, their mutually agreed signal for _'no'._

"Blasphemy!" Chris shouts.

"Well, actually –"

" _Treason_ , then."

Phil shakes his head softly – but if he's being completely honest, he finds it more endearing than anything.

PJ runs his hand up Chris' arm and taps his shoulder.

"Come here," He says, and Chris turns his head.

PJ cups Chris' cheek and they share a soft, short and sweet kiss.

Phil scribbles a sentence onto a scrap of paper.

" ' _Your PDA makes me wish_ I _was blind'_. Gee, thanks, Phil. Tell us what you _really_ think." Chris scoffs.

He laughs though, as does PJ, and although Phil's giggling internally, he wishes he could make actual sounds.

\- break -

Phil has to admit that all three of them are very lucky, considering they only have two classes separate.

It could be worse.

It's just that, sometimes…sometimes, when Phil's hiding out in the back corner of a classroom, he has mental flashbacks of bad times, and it induces slight anxiety. He imagines that people are whispering about him, that when they glance over they're _looking_ at him, that they're _talking_ _about_ _him_ …and it makes concentrating a little hard,

It's probably a causal effect of his muteness, but Phil's a fairly shy, reserved person. And he always worries too much about if people are talking about him, because he doesn't know what they're saying if they are. Which makes it pretty hard to make friends – amongst other contributors.

* * *

Phil regrets sitting in the back, at a table with a empty seat beside him – the only empty seat in the whole room – when his Psychology teacher announces the arrival of a new student.

The fact that the new student is really cute, and Phil's only recently accepted the existence of his bisexuality, doesn't really help matters much.

"This is Dan, and he'll be joining our class this semester, so don't be jerks," The teacher says.

There's a chorus of laughter that spreads around the room.

"You can sit next to…Phil."

There's a few muffled sniggers as the teacher looks over at Phil, but he doesn't make any visible gesture to indicate he's heard anything.

He's too busy having an internal breakdown, because this new kid – Dan – doesn't know about his, _condition_ , and he'll have to go through the same painful attempt to explain his situation, which will just result in an awkward, tense atmosphere and another person who thinks he's a freak.

_Joy._

Dan smiles, and Phil tries, he attempts to return it, weakly, but he tries.

"Hi," Dan says, and Phil's hopes that Dan would just ignore him, like pretty much everyone else, escape out the window.

Phil waves, and although Dan's eyebrows narrow, he keeps quiet.

* * *

The lesson passes with no fuss, and when the bell goes Phil's grateful - he can finally escape.

No chance.

"Hey, so I know I'm new and everything, but I was wondering if, maybe, I could hang out with you? I don't know anybody, that's all."

Phil feels immensely horrible, and he tries to convey everything he wants to say through his expression - his hands are too busy holding his stuff - but he's not quite sure how to.

"Uh, hello? Can you hear me, or are you just being a jerk."

Dan's getting agitated, Phil can tell, and he hates it, he hates when anyone's angry or upset - but he can't _do_ anything...can't _say_ anything.

"Wow, I know I'm new and everything, but you don't have to be such an asshole."

Dan's full blown _angry_ now, and Phil hurries to think of something to do as Dan turns to walk off - but somebody else has already come up with _the perfect idea_.

"Oh, mate, it's not what you think. The freak's not intentionally ignoring you, he's just a mute."

The words are spoken with malice and tease, but also simplistically - a fact that is just accepted; Phil's a freak.

Dan's eyes are wide, shocked, but Phil's not paying attention to that. He can feel the tears splashing down his warm, reddened cheeks. He runs out of the room without a second glance, heart pounding and stomach twisting.

It doesn't hurt because he thought he could make a friend, it hurts because he had believed the days of being called a 'freak' were long past him.

* * *

"Phil?" Chris calls out. He's seated at their usual table, but his sharp eyes noticed Phil's sullen figure before Phil could slip past.

Phil takes his time, mentally preparing himself for the sympathy bound to show on his best friends' faces, sympathy he's not even sure he deserves.

"Mate, are you...did something happen?"

Phil shakes his head as he sits down.

"Phil..." PJ says, and he knows, Phil can tell he knows - and he's 100% positive that PJ's got some crazy psychic powers.

"Did someone say something?" Chris asks, and Phil pauses, before nodding reluctantly. He knocks twice on the table, but it's soft, barely audible.

"Did they tease you?" PJ asks, and Phil nods, before shrugging.

"Care to expand?" Chris asks, but before Phil gets a chance, someone walks over, hesitating by their table.

"Uh, hi..."

Phil's freezes. He knows that voice. He _knows_ who that voice belongs to.

"Hi..." Chris begins. He saw Phil tense, so he's cautious, and wary - visibly so, too.

"Sorry, it's just...there was this, misunderstanding, and...uh, I'm Dan, by the way."

"Chris," Chris greets slowly.

"PJ. And this is -"

"Phil." Dan cuts in, blushing slightly as he realises what he'd said.

"Sorry, we've, uh, we've met."

Chris raises his eyebrows at Phil, asking a silent question, but Phil doesn't move.

"I don't mean to interrupt, it's just...I was kind of hoping to talk to Phil."

"You know he can't..." PJ begins, wary of offending or upsetting Phil, his hands moving like Phil's usually do.

"Yeah...that's partly why I wanted to, uh, talk."

"It's okay, I can interpret. Speak away." Chris announces.

"Okay, uh..."

Dan's nervous...but Phil's not sure _why_. It's rather strange, to see someone else acting like that, timorously, the way Phil so oftenly acts.

"I'm sorry about the...misunderstanding before. I thought you were being rude and obnoxious, and it annoyed me - when really, _I_ was the one being rude."

Phil shrugs one shoulder, eyes widened, and Chris understands, although Dan obviously doesn't.

"It's okay. He knows you didn't mean it. He understands."

Dan looks amazed that one look can convey so much, that Chris can understand so easily what Phil means, and Chris chokes out a low laugh. Phil knows it's just because Chris gets it, he just _knows_.

"Phil, I'm...I'm sorry."

Phil smiles, and scoots across, opening a spot next to him. After all, Dan is new, and now that everything has been cleared up, he can't see why he shouldn't have the chance at a new friendship.

"Care to join us?" PJ asks, and Chris properly laughs as Dan sits down. Phil absentmindedly thinks Dan looks rather adorable, puzzled as to how glassy-eyed PJ knew what Phil did.

"You have much to learn." Chris says.

Phil pulls out a scrap of paper and a pencil, and scribbles down a single word, which he passes to Dan.

_'Friends?'_

Dan reads the note, and nods, grinning.

"Friends." He agrees.

Phil quite likes the sound of that.


End file.
